Thursday, April 1, 2010

Buy a Penguin Slave!

Every penguin struggles with something, and every penguin needs a friend. But not all penguins can solve problems, nor can they make friends. Club Penguin has always been the kinda place were you have to earn money on your own, and try to buy more items than your friends. Imagine... Having your very own helpful servant who would get that money for you, become a "friend" and pretty much do whatever you want. Your feet are itchy? No problem, your very own penguin slave can rub them for you! Want a soda? With a snap of your fingers your penguin will be down at the nearest store and back with in seconds!

The "Slave Dealers" are a group of sexually challenged penguins located in the Boiler Room only on the server Ice Palace. The only difference between a slave dealer and a regular penguin is the fact that slave dealers wear no clothing at all. Instead, they enjoy running around CP screaming about their right of nudity. Commonly known slave dealers are Bob61732, Witty12, Ryan Seacrest and Polar Amigo. The job of these penguins is pretty simple; to hand you the new Slave Catalog. In this catalog are all the available slaves for purchase such as feet rubbers, money earners and even bed buddies!

Penguin slaves were once groups of natural slaves running around in forests enjoying nature and it's disgusting features, like lakes. These penguins were dirty, smelly and tasted terrible with gravy. Their smell often drifted towards the townspeople of Ice Palace, and many died of a terrible modern day disease called "The sickness". So people took action, and one day a young woman named Mimo777 captured all of these penguins in a gigantic net. They are stored in the large tubes of the Boiler Room, and often time you can still smell their terrible virtual smell. Oh but don't worry, when these penguins are being sold the slave dealers make sure to clean them! (I guess)

A penguin slave must eat in order to survive, and they'll pretty much each anything. I usually feed my slave rocks, grass, weed and even sometimes a few pieces of puffle. But not all penguin slaves enjoy such food, so you may want to think about buying them some "Slop". Slop is a gooey piece of crap stuffed with cheese and important vitamins that make penguin slaves survive for a little while. When a Penguin slave dies, they're still useful to the owner! If you want, you can stuff them with dust and use them as a cozy couch or even fashionable rug. I've even heard of people selling their dead bodies to old men at bars who think they're buying bear.

Some people feel that enslaving penguins is such a terrible thing, but if you look at the facts you'll know it's for their own good. About 2% of the millions of penguins living in the forest die before the age of 110, and the rest usually live on into their 200's. But if these penguins are captured, about 89% of them die when they reach the age of two years old. This is very good if your the emo type, because death to the emos is like making out for Romeo and Juliet; both are fun to watch and do. If your penguin ever tries to run away, you can always sing the Barack Obama theme song to them and they will silently obey you forever.

Below are what people just like you think about the Penguin Slaves:

DaGamer: OMG! Those penguin slaves are like, TOTALLY out of this world! They are like so cute, and they are like so fun to paint nails with! I love, love, LOVE them!

Tim250: The bed buddy is my favorite.

Megan Fox: Dude... Those, penguin things are like... Weed in a cigar... Except like... Better man. Radical.

Penny Mickey: I like the idea, but mines kinda messed up. I named him Earl after my dead step brother, who I accidentally killed by falling on top of him. Well every time I ask Earl to do something, he just gives me this weird look like he's on drugs or something. And he never sleeps! He just stands in the corner singing about how he wants to kill me and everyone in this world. Should I be worried?

Hedgehog 14: I have a son.

See? Almost all of these reviews are completely positive! Well all except the last one. Nobody really cares what that talking hedgehog thinks...

~Frostylittle, President of CPN

Club Penguin Is the Best!

Without Club Penguin this Club Penguin Game Show would not exist. Thank-you Lane Merrifield, Lance Priebe and David Kyrsko for creating Club Penguin!
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